Anyone who has checked this blog for an update since July has had to be content with the story of "Danielle Jahn, Warrior Princess." However, they may be interested to know that Dani's legendary ride was not the only event of note on the day into Rushville. July 1st was also the day the Ass-Slapping Game came to a climactic end.
Now I'm probably not the best person to ask about the game because I was not an active participant, though I still some how managed to get sucked into it. Anyway, it officially began on the day into State College, but really it began before that. Now I really can't tell you exactly how it began, but early in the trip everyone thought it was just so freakin' funny to slap each other's asses while on the bike. It is a lighthearted but still slightly demeaning gesture. It's like saying, "Not only am I going faster than you, but I am doing it so easily that I can momentarily take one hand off the handlebars, reach out, and smack you right on the derriere." There was never any bad blood, but it still smarts to get slapped, especially when you don't see it coming. Personally, I thought this practice was incredibly childish and, more importantly, unsafe, so I never partook. Well, almost never.
The practice of ass slapping came to a head on or around the day into State College. Now I'm not sure if this happened on or off the bike, but apparently Butterfield got this legendary slap in on KRud. So harsh was Butterfield's abuse of KRud's hiney that it left a distinct hand print on said hiney. The participants did the right thing and immortalized it with a photo:
It was clear that something needed to be done. And this is how the Ass-Slapping Game was born. Our host in State College was the former president of the Penn State cycling team. Not only did he open up his house to us, but he and his teammates made us a dinner so grand that even after our century, we could not polish it off. We are in your debt, good sir. As the 31 of us sat and ate in our host's living room, which could comfortably seat 10 people, KRud announced the Ass-Slapping Game. He had drawn up some formal rules and read them off to us. Basically, you could get points for slapping another rider's ass, and the points awarded varied based on the conditions of the slap. For example, I believe a surprise slap was worth less than one that was announced, but I could have that backwards. Bonus points could be gotten for "chaining" slaps. (Passing two or more people in a pace line and slapping all their successive hineys.) There were certain rules for safety, no slapping going up or down hill or above a certain speed, for example. And finally, anyone could opt out of the game for a day for any reason by simply chalking an "X" on their left cheek. And not the one on their face. KRud volunteered to keep score.
As I said, I find the practice of ass-slapping childish and unsafe, so I had no desire to participate in this fiendish little game of KRud's. So as soon as he finished with his announcement, I made one of my own: "Two things, everyone. First, I'm not playing. [Awwww! Boooo! Hisssss!] Second, anything you give me you will get back tenfold!" Uproarious laughter was the result of these words from the rider who had said so little up to that point in the trip. (As an interesting aside, "tenfold" as a trip meme lasted longer than the game that gave rise to its use. At first I would use it whenever anyone would cross me: "Tenfold, Butterfield!" Then other people started using it, mainly to mock me: "Tenfold, de la Garza!")
And so it was on! As we finished up Pennsylvania and crossed through Ohio and into Indiana, ass-slapping was more prominent than ever now that it had been institutionalized. Some took it more seriously than others, but we were all affected by it. Kyle and Skip decided they would tempt fate and slap my ass anyway. I made good on my word to get them back, but believe me when I say I did not enjoy it. Butterfield also couldn't resist. I kind of enjoyed getting her back.
This only went on for a few days until the game came to a climactic end on the day into Rushville. As we showered at the local YMCA, I noticed KRud was scraped all up and down one side, and I asked him what happened. The situation was this: apparently KRud made a rule that slapping Jose's ass would net the slapper some exorbitant amount of points simply because it was a rare day when anyone could keep up with him. So on that fateful day into Rushville, KRud and Lenny actually were keeping pace with Jose. They waited until they were coming off a downhill, so they were already going pretty fast. KRud and Lenny gave it a little more gas on top of that, and apparently just enough to pass Jose and finally slap his ass. They both got him, only KRud did not make a clean getaway. You'll have to ask one of them to find out exactly what happened, but basically KRud lost control and ate pavement at high speed. He cracked his helmet (Hey, better that than his skull.) and got all banged up on one side of his body but was otherwise fine. And with that, the leaders officially put an end to the Ass-Slapping Game on the grounds that it was too dangerous. I think the game was called a draw.
And so ended that chapter in our trek across the country. We were all a little shaken from KRud's accident as well as Jess R. and Charlotte's (see entry from 7.3.08), but we pushed on.
Courage is not the absence of fear. It is the presence of fear, but the will to continue.
