Fear

The truth of the matter is, I am afraid. As much as I would like to say that the opposite is true, that simply isn't the case.

Tomorrow we are riding into State College, PA from Berwick, PA. The official distance is 96 miles, but after getting lost once or twice it is sure to become a full century. It will therefore be our longest ride by 20 miles.

I have already resolved to push myself for as long as I can. That's all I can do. But there are still a lot of unknowns in the equation. The mind can be strong, but at some point the body simply gives out. At one level of fatigue, pain makes it difficult for the mind to tell the body what to do. At the next level, the body simply cannot perform anymore. It is this that I fear.

I am afraid of accidents. I've had flats, and I've bombed down hills, and luckily these two events have never coincided. Going 40 miles an hour down a hill is fun, but what if I have a blow out? How horribly mangled would I be? I might be able to ride a bike again someday. And of course there is always the possibility that a drunk driver will plow into us, not unlike what happened in Monterrey a few weeks ago: http://www.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/americas/06/02/mexico.bikers.ap/

I am afraid of equipment failure. All I want is a fair chance, but sometimes the tools I am equipped with do not allow this. If my body stays strong but my bike should fail, I will have to call the van and ride around in it for the rest of the day. This is not acceptable, but it is beyond my control. I fear this.

But I am also glad for my fear, because fear triggers the fight-or-flight response, and me, I'm a fighter.

Our host location in Berwick is the Berwick Area Middle School. It reminds me of my middle school, only nicer. This got me thinking back to some of the people I knew when I was a kid and what ever happened to them. Usually when I go home to McAllen Mom gives me any updates she has. Some of them are good, some of them are bad. I like to think that if the other kids could hear about what I'm doing now, they would nod their heads and say, “Yeah, that sounds like Jorge.”